When I was pregnant with Owen, who turns 6 in a little over a week, I scoured the internet for information about being pregnant, newborns, the latest gadgets, breastfeeding and of course, the best foods. In my search for information I was fortunate to find a website community where women gathered and joined in discussion boards that were categorized based on a soon-to-be mama's due date. I happily knew early on that I was having a C-section and anticipated Owen's arrival around the end of April, which made me "qualify" for membership on either the May Mommies board or the April Showers board. I chose the former and never regretted it. For nine months and through-out the first year a fairly large and diverse group of hormonal women were able to gather in cyber-space and share with a great deal of intimacy the joys, pains and frustrations of our changing bodies and lives.
In those early months, the first trimester, we posted pictures of ultra-sounds, celebrated hearing those first heart beats and said painful good-byes to women whose time to carry a baby full-term had been interrupted by miscarriages. At those times we said silent prayers for our sisters and for ourselves that we and our unborn babies did not endure that same pain. In those sweet early days of being parents our anxieties and fears were so intangible, our hopes and expectations so over the moon, it was a safe place to gather and share things with strangers that we could not always voice to those closest to us. No doubt, dear ones, in time, if a group of women whose hormones, bodies, and entire lifestyles are shifting daily, stay in community for enought time they will experience some drama. While the May Mommies groups did a good job staying above the fray it was not possible to completely avoid conflict. We were all so passionate about our parenting standards...slightly amusing and mostly endearing to me now, for my own self anyway...how could I have known how much of that would change once my sweet boy came? Thankfully our little treasuerd did come, one by one....somewhere in those first three hazy weeks I lost contact with our group and when I reemreged a smaller, even more intimate group of women with whom I indentified had split from the larger group and invited like-minded mommies to join with them on a "private" board where we could safely post pictures of our babies and families and share more deeply.
It was a sweet place to be for the time that we needed it to be. We all were very close for a while and I was fortunate to meet one of my fellow mamas one afternoon as were other members on the board. We celebrated those times with one another, eased each other fears over rashes, sleepless nights, stinky poos, and confused husbands. We celebrated successful latches, crawling, fitting into our old jeans, sleeping for 5 consecutive hours, and getting to the grocery store and back without projectile vomiting or pooping. It was the cyber version of tribe for me, without my group of "girlies" I would have been very isolated and alone that first year.
Six years later much has changed. Our little group was not able to avoid the perils of cyberspace drama and eventually disbanded in sadly, some very painful ways. Many of us grew our families by two or more, while some stopped with one, and others stopped with their last. As parenting became more complex for me, I wondered what my sisters were up to and how they were faring, but even sending an e-mail became a little overwhelming in the early stages of parenting two small children. I eventually lost contact with even the women I had been closest to.
Happily, last year I arrived on Facebook and found, one by one, the women I held dearest to my to during those early parenting years. It has been bittersweet in many ways. We are all very busy and much time has passed. Although the affection is still there, the connection is not as strong as it was when we were able to "talk" to each other daily and share the intimate details of our lives.
Parenting has been challenging to us all in ways that we did not foresee. My Owen was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was four. Although I knew it almost from the beginning, it was a secret I kept even from my online mommies until the diagnosis was professionally confirmed. In keeping that secret, I became more isolated from my sisters.
Today one of our first babies, Avery, celebrates his birthday. Avery is a beautiful and intelligent little boy whose spirit shines through in his dazzling smile and has since he was an infant. I found out recently that Avery was diagnosed with Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD) a particulary severe form of muscular dystropy which, without a miracle, will take Avery from his family and this world much too early. Much like I did when she was pregnant, I still pray for Avery's mother Lee Ann that she be able to stand up to the joys and rigors of this challenge. I know that she prays for me as well.
I am so thankful for my May Mommies, all of them. They each have a special place in my heart and they always will. Happy Birthdays Mamas, I love you!
